a modern medical-shamanism variant in which the dark-age urban human, in order to save the digestive system they've devastated with industrial foods, has begun worshipping acidic bacteria grown in jars. when we examined the kitchen remains from that era in our laboratory, we determined that the members of the tribe felt like molecular biology experts while consuming vinegar-smelling primitive liquids called probiotics, ferments, or kombucha tea. that these creatures, who cared about the comfort of the bacteria in their own intestines more than the peace of their close friends within the tribe, fed themselves according to bacterial data logs is one of the funniest biological paranoias in the history of anthropology.