trusting

trusting someone isn't easy to begin with. you can't approach everyone the same way, you get selective over time. but the real issue, i think, is trust being broken. because after that point you don't just lose your trust in one person. you can't talk as freely as you used to, you can't believe as easily as you used to. even when something's going well, there's always a question mark in the back of your mind. as if what you went through before is going to happen all over again. and the worst part is this: the people who let you down in the past make you wary even toward people who've done nothing wrong. maybe the person in front of you is someone different, but you're not who you used to be anymore. because when a person's heart is broken, it isn't just their trust in one person that goes. a little of your ease, your innocence, and your goodwill toward everyone fades too. and the most painful part of some losses is exactly this; not the person who left, but the old version of you that you lost along with them.