aras diler

never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
napoleon bonaparte

rabbi abraham twerski talks about the difference between selfish love and true love, which must be a love of giving and not of receiving.

transcript:

"'young man. why are you eating that fish?' the young mans says, 'because i love fish.' he says, 'oh. you love the fish. that's why you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.' he says, 'don't tell me you love the fish. you love yourself, and because the fish tastes good to you; therefore, you took it out of the water and killed it and boiled it.'

"so much of what is love is fish love. young couple falls in love. young man and young woman fall in love. what does that mean? that means that he saw in this woman someone who he felt could provide him with all of his physical and emotional needs, and she felt in this man somebody she feels that she can write, that was love, but each one is looking out for their own needs. it's not love for the other. the other person becomes a vehicle for my gratification.

"too much of what is called love is fish love. an external love is not on what i'm going to get but i'm going to give. we had an ethicist rabbi dessler, who said, 'people make a serious mistake in thinking that you give to those whom you love, and the real answer is you love those to whom you give.'

his point is if i give something to you, i've invested myself in you. since self-love is a given, everybody loves themselves, now that part of me has become in you, there's part of me in you that i love. true love is a love of giving, not a love of receiving.'

after awhile you could get used to anything.

you betrayed me

the 21/90 rule states that it takes 21 days to make a habit and 90 days to make it a permanent lifestyle change.

if you do not take an interest in the affairs of your government, then you are doomed to live under the rule of fools.
plato

the act of caressing or tenderly running fingers through a loved one's hair.

love people so much if you want to lose them.

anthropologist.

a student once asked anthropologist margaret mead, “what is the earliest sign of civilization?” the student expected her to say a clay pot, a grinding stone, or maybe a weapon.

margaret mead thought for a moment, then she said, “a healed femur.”

a femur is the longest bone in the body, linking hip to knee. in societies without the benefits of modern medicine, it takes about six weeks of rest for a fractured femur to heal. a healed femur shows that someone cared for the injured person, did their hunting and gathering, stayed with them, and offered physical protection and human companionship until the injury could mend.

mead explained that where the law of the jungle—the survival of the fittest—rules, no healed femurs are found. the first sign of civilization is compassion, seen in a healed femur.”

one of best ta ever taught there.

keeping silent sometimes looks like broken glass pieces! they fill your mouth. if you remain silent, they hurt you; if you speak, they make you bleed…

oguz atay

one of the greatest –nobel prize winner– american authors. his letter to his son on love is as fascinating as his novels.

--spoiler--
...and don't worry about losing. if it is right, it happens — the main thing is not to hurry. nothing good gets away.
--spoiler--

dear thom:

we had your letter this morning. i will answer it from my point of view and of course elaine will from hers.

first — if you are in love — that's a good thing — that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

second — there are several kinds of love. one is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. this is the ugly and crippling kind. the other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. the first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.

you say this is not puppy love. if you feel so deeply — of course it isn't puppy love.

but i don't think you were asking me what you feel. you know better than anyone. what you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that i can tell you.

glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

the object of love is the best and most beautiful. try to live up to it.

if you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

it sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

lastly, i know your feeling because i have it and i'm glad you have it.

we will be glad to meet susan. she will be very welcome. but elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. she knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than i can.

and don't worry about losing. if it is right, it happens — the main thing is not to hurry. nothing good gets away.

love,

fa

even the worst outcome is better than uncertainty.

what a pity that i am not ten years older, then old age would protect me from rebellion; or ten years younger, since then nothing would matter.

"a clumsy and easily frightened animal. some can even be the size of a human being. in fact, at first glance, they even look like humans. the grip of his claws is weak. he is incapable of climbing hills, and comes down a slope by sliding (frequently falling as he does so). he has almost no hair on his body; he has large eyes but weak sight, which is why he cannot see danger from a distance."

(see: the disconnected)